Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
