I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
