I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
