I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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