whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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