splinters make it hard to masturbate
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
