You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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