He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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