Christians are straight up FREAKS
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
