I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
