he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
