My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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