i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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