oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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