I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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