i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I supernannyed him into submission
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
