Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I met the friendliest cop last night
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
