You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
