Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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