I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
