I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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