I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
