pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
