she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
