hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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