How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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