He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
