Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
