Banned from zoo.
Again?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
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