Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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