She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
