you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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