Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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