I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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