How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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