porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
