I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
