thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
