Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
