I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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