I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize