How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You left your phone here
Wait...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
