you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
