somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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