last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
