omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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