a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
