You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
