Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she peed on how many people?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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