Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How external is "for external use only"?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
