Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's just like the Real World with babies
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
