I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
