its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize