The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
