Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
