coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The beers last night were like the tears from god
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
