I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize