worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize