listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
