Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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