I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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