I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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