Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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