Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
