Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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