a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
