I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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