I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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