She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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