I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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