shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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