I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
