I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
