I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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