also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
