Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
