i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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