I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
