I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
